


Hysteria

by believe_in_alderaan



Series: JFO Extended Drama [8]
Category: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Cal kestis whump, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Hurt, Panic, Panic Attacks, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21612214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/believe_in_alderaan/pseuds/believe_in_alderaan
Summary: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Cal heard the yelling bouncing off the stone walls. Then he realized it was coming from himself. He stood panting, sweat dripping off his chin. He opened his eyes and found he was back at the entrance of Kujet’s tomb, the doors still closed to him. He looked down at his lightsaber in his hands. The handle was completely destroyed. Sparks flew off the frayed wires.Cal stared at the marred weapon. He couldn’t gather his thoughts properly. He was now defenseless, and had ruined this master’s lightsaber.---Expounding on Cal's ruined lightsaber in which Cal has a panic attack back on the Mantis. This one has a bit of a slow burn.
Series: JFO Extended Drama [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551049
Comments: 12
Kudos: 133





	Hysteria

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mysterywriter5775](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysterywriter5775/gifts).



Re-living the events of order 66 left Cal feeling weak. Dathomir had taken a huge toll on him, and he was frustrated that he couldn’t gain entry to Kujet’s tomb. He continued to meditate, wishing for peace and answers. Instead he was met with horrifying memories that he could not shake. When he opened his eyes, he was in darkness. A cool mist surrounded him.

Cal stood and looked around. Nothing was familiar.

“Padawan.”

Cal turned, facing his long-dead master. Fear struck him like a knife in his back.

“It’s time for instruction.” The figure who resembled Jaro Tapal folded his arms in front of him.

_ This can’t be real,  _ Cal thought. His heart was racing. His master drew his double-bladed lightsaber, ready to strike.

Cal instinctively blocked. He couldn’t believe this was happening. It all felt so real. He tried to remain focused, and couldn’t bring himself to return the attack.

“Your fear cost me my life!” Jaro Tapal roared. “You will always be weak!”

Cal’s ears were ringing. He tried desperately to drown out the awful words from his dead master. He began returning strikes with his saber. Sweat drenched his brow and he could feel hot tears beginning to form in his eyes.

“Your will is weak. You lack discipline.”

Cal grunted as he lunged at the figure. He refused to believe that this was really his master, but the words stung regardless.

“Fear rules you as always!” Jaro mocked once more.

Cal yelled, anger seeping through his veins. He lunged and drove his saber through his master’s stomach.

Jaro didn’t flinch. Instead, he looked down into Cal’s fear-stricken eyes, the saber still embedded in his flesh. “Yes, your blood is on my hands, apprentice,” he hissed. He grabbed hold of the hilt while it was still in Cal’s hands and pulled it so that it was impaling him deeper and deeper. His hands were over Cal’s, squeezing them and causing Cal to yell out in pain. 

“You were a failure.” Cal tried to pull back but Master Tapal’s hold was too strong. “A weakling! A traitor.” A shattering sound was coming from the saber. Cal looked down at it, still within Tapal’s grasp. 

“You are NO JEDI.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Cal heard the yelling bouncing off the stone walls. Then he realized it was coming from himself. He stood panting, sweat dripping off his chin. He opened his eyes and found he was back at the entrance of Kujet’s tomb, the doors still closed to him. He looked down at his lightsaber in his hands. The handle was completely destroyed. Sparks flew off the frayed wires. 

Cal stared at the marred weapon. He couldn’t gather his thoughts properly. He was now defenseless, and had ruined this master’s lightsaber. 

“Beedee?” Cal mumbled.

“Beep boop?” BD-1 responded encouragingly. His faithful droid had remained nearby during the ordeal.

“Thanks. Let’s just get outta here.”

Still in shock, Cal holstered the now ruined saber and stumbled out of the rock building. He wasn’t able to get the astrium. He had failed.

“I can’t explain, beedee. I’m not sure even I understand.” Cal recounted the confrontation, still puzzled. It must have been he who actually ruined the lightsaber. His memories had torn him up and caused him to damage not only himself, but his defense.

The red sun was almost blinding. “Did it all go as planned?”

Cal jumped and turned to the voice. The old man that he’d met when he’d first arrived on Dathomir was standing, waiting for him. The man still wore his cloak, partially concealing his face.

“You can’t say I didn’t warn you,” the man continued.

“Leave me alone,” Cal spat. He had to get back to the Mantis while it was still light. 

“Leave you? Alone? Lost… and defenseless in this dangerous place?” 

Cal angrily turned to the man. “Okay, enough of this. Who are you really?” He asked point-blank. He had sensed something off about him before, and that feeling was back ten-fold.

The man grinned, making Cal feel even more uneasy. The cloak dropped, revealing a sharpened chest with a six pack, covered in scars. One scar was in the center; a circle with a horizontal line through it, like a sunset. 

The man held his arms out, standing tall. “Taron Malicos,” he said simply. “Former Jedi, like yourself.”

Cal knew his confusion was spelled out on his face but at this point he didn’t care. He stared, BD-1 chirping softly on his back. 

“We have much in common,” Malicos continued.

“I doubt that,” Cal responded cooly, his brow furrowed. Malicos was pacing, and Cal made sure to keep the distance between them the same.

“Oh?” Malicos asked. “We both survived the purge. My troops betrayed me. I was forced to strike them down and I escaped to this… desolate place. The darkness here… it almost took me.” He gestured around him. “But I conquered it.”

Realization dawned on Cal. He looked the fallen Jedi up and down. “You’re the one the nightbrothers follow,” he said.

Taron Malicos laughed sarcastically. “Yes.” He gestured to his belt. On it were the zabrak horns that he had severed from fallen nightbrothers. Cal swallowed hard. “These savages only respect strength,” Malicos continued. “And as we both know, the force is a most powerful ally.”

“No,” Cal said with resolve. “No you sue the force to seize power. That’s everything the Jedi stood against.”

“These are dark times!” Malicos hissed. “They will consume us if we do not stand with each other!” He gestured to Cal.

Cal stood still, digesting his words. He could still feel his heart pounding in his chest, almost too fast. He then took a step back. “I don’t need your help,” he responded. He turned to go. 

“That broken lightsaber tells a different story,” Malicos was almost growling, his finger pointing accusingly at Cal.

Cal looked down at the saber on his belt, shame consuming him. 

“You saw something in there, didn’t you?” Malicos asked, gesturing back to the tomb. “There are many such places here on Dathomir. Join me, join my family, and I can teach you how to control its power.”

Cal was caught off guard. _ This man is insane _ , he thought angrily. His anger and shame kept him from answering. Instead his mind wandered back to the broken lightsaber and how utterly defenseless he was. 

An angry voice sounded from behind Cal. “Join my family?” The voice was female.

At first there was nobody there. Then in a blast of green, the living Nightsister, with whom Cal had encountered before, appeared. “And I will teach you its power? Familiar words, Malicos.” Her words were biting, and she only had eyes for the older Jedi. Cal stepped to the side, fearful of being involved.

“Sister Merrin,” Malicos spat. “You overstep your bounds.”

“For years you said the Jedi orchestrated the massacre that killed my sisters,” Nightsister Merrin continued. Cal glanced over at Malicos. Merrin continued, “yet here one stands, and you seek only to bring him in to your family.”

_ Malicos is nothing but a traitor,  _ Cal thought angrily. He was beginning to feel faint, panic filling him. He looked back up at the Nightsister. He’d never encountered somebody like her. The way she commands the force doesn’t resemble dark or light, for the most part.

“Clearly you lack the power, little witch!” Malicos yelled.

“Power? You are mad, Malicos. Danothmir has unmade you, and my misplaced loyalty has allowed you to lead the Nightbrothers astray,” Merrin’s voice was growing louder. “Unlike the Jedi - the Nightsisters of Dathomir do not turn on their kind. Our bond is eternal.”

Cal started to look for a way out. His mind felt hazy with fatigue and fear, and the sun was starting to go down.

“Your sisters are dead,” Malicos said flatly. 

“Yes,” Merrin replied. “Their graves are all around you.”

Cal’s eyes got wide. He’d seen this spell before, and wasn’t willing to experience it again. “Time to go,” he said to BD-1. The small droid chirped in agreement.

Merrin began to chant a ritual. Cal stood back, watching her as she was surrounded by green Magicks. She had done this to him in the forest, sending undead witches after him.

The hanging graves of the deceased nightsisters glowed bright. As their bodies began to emerge, Cal instinctively reached for his lightsaber. With a jolt he remembered that it was broken and completely unusable. His breath coming in short, he barely heard when Malicos told him to run.

Cal didn’t need to be told twice. He made a dash for the Mantis, which was parked less than a half-mile away. Behind him he could hear the moans and groans of the dead. He turned and force-pushed a few of the bodies off the side of the cliff, but they were easily replaced.

Out of the shadows came Nightbrothers. Cal kept his focus on the Mantis. He wasn’t prepared to take on any enemies. His vision was becoming more narrow and his chest ached.

“Cere, Cere!” Cal gasped into his comm. “Tell Greez to get the Mantis running!”

“What’s happening?” Cere quickly replied.

Cal’s face felt extremely hot as he ran through twists and turns. Finally he could see the Mantis in the distance. “A Nightsister, she raised the dead! They’re after me!” he yelled back.

“Whoa whoa whoa, and you’re leaving them HERE??!” came Greez’s panicked voice.

“Captain! Prepare for takeoff!”

In the distance Cal could see the engines come to life. He was almost there, but was ambushed by a Nightbrother. Cal used all his strength to push the Nightbrother away, but not before the zabrak got a few good hits in. 

Cal made it to the ship and noticed it was in fact surrounded by undead Nightsisters. He leapt up the ramp while it retracted and managed to get into the ship. The door slid shut behind him with a “whump!” BD-1 hopped off of Cal’s back and then followed him to the front of the ship.

“Get us out of here!” Cal nearly screamed as he stumbled to the cockpit. He could hardly see anymore, panic overtaking him. He sunk to his knees. BD-1 hopped uncomfortably nearby.

“What did you do kid? I’ve got dead witches crawling all over my ship!” Greez yelled as they pulled away from the planet. 

Cal rocked back and forth on the floor feeling completely numb.

Cere looked down at Cal, worry etched in her face. “What happened?” she asked quietly. “Did you find the tomb?”

  
Cal didn’t seem to hear her. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were darting all over the place. He was stuck in a full-fledged panic attack.

“Cal, come on,” Cere knelt down and put a hand on his shaking shoulder. He pulled away, not looking at her. Tears streaming down his face, he handed her his lightsaber.

Cere noticed the damage immediately. “Your master’s lightsaber…”

“I saw him. I saw the day he died. I saw what I did.” Cal sounded almost far away as he recounted his terrors. He grabbed the weapon back from Cere. “Now it’s destroyed! I couldn’t save him!”

“Cal you were only a child-” Cere began.

“NO.” Cal cut her off. His teeth were clenched tightly. “No I know I could have helped him if I’d been stronger and braver. If I would have listened to him. I could have helped him!” Tears were pouring down his cheeks. Cere knew there wasn’t any getting through to him right now, not while he was like this. 

“Cal, listen, let’s go lay down,” she offered. Cal ignored her, his breathing getting sharper and more labored. He was shaking all over. 

Cere could tell that her own anxieties were starting to stack up. “Cal come on, you need to rest. Everything is okay.” She could feel the pain radiating off of the young Jedi. "We can fix this."  She wasn't getting through. F inally she stood, her hand hovering over his fiery red hair, and called upon the force.

Cal quieted, his breathing becoming more even. Greez turned around, watching as Cere gently laid Cal on his back. He was asleep.

“What did you do?” Greez asked softly.

Cere kneeled next to Cal, taking the broken weapon from his limp hands. “I had to. He would have hurt himself,” she responded weakly. She felt a tear escape her eye. “He’ll be fine, I think the day… the whole mission… has really taken a toll on him. It’s the least I can do.”

\---

Cal woke slowly. He had a headache, but otherwise felt okay. He hadn’t felt this calm in days. He sat up and realized he was on his cot. The room was darkened, and he could hear the hum of the ship’s engines. At his feet, BD-1 was powered down.

He stayed on the cot for a while, going over his thoughts. He tried to remember what had happened before he fell asleep.  _ Oh right, _ he remembered bitterly.  _ My lightsaber. _

Cere looked up from her datpad when Cal entered the living area. He seemed more lively, though there were still dark circles under his eyes. “How do you feel,” she asked carefully.

Cal sat beside her on the couch, rubbing one eye. He nodded. “I’m okay. I… don’t know what you did, but thank you,” he said.

Cere smiled warmly. “It’s alright. I’ve been asking a lot of you.” She paused, looking Cal in the eyes. “Cal, it’s time I told you everything that happened to me when I escaped the Empire, if you’re ready to hear it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Got a scene you'd like expanded? Let me know. Think your idea of what you want to see is over the top? I still wanna hear it. Merry Whump-mas.
> 
> Don't forget to read the other fics in the series! They are in no particular order.
> 
> **anybody tired of me yet..?**


End file.
